Subject:The Buffalo Theory A herd of buffalo
can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo.
When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing
of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest
brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally
it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always
feel smarter after a few beers.
ONE FROGGY EVENING An old man was walking in the forest when he heard by his feet a very weak voice. He bent down to look and saw that the voice came from a little frog: "I'm a beautiful, erotic and sensual princess, skilled in all the carnal pleasures of love. An evil queen, envious of my charms, turned me into a frog, but if you kiss me I will once again be a fair maiden, and I will provide you with all the joys and delights of my voluptuous temperament and my ardent lust. The old man picked up the little frog and put her into his pocket. Bewildered, the frog looked out and asked: "What, you're not going to kiss me?" "Nope," replied the old man. "At my age it's more fun to have a talking frog than a sex maniac."
The newlyweds were
suffering from exhaustion and after an examination,
their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things
during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next
month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an
"R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday."
Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate
difficulty following the doctor's orders. But on the first night of scheduled
rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver.
Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse
into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day
is it honey?"
She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray."
- A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her
mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even
believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us,
we'll show him how wrong he is."
- A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
-
Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, "Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!"
"I told you not to peek," whined the groom
- "How'd it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
-
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"